38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
