Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
