Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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