I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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