Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
