He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
