ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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