my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
