Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
false alarm. still invincible.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
