(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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