So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
