You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
