Where is the hickey?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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