Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
