Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
