apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
