Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
