I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
