After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
