How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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