just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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