I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
