Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
