tonight lets celebrate not being married
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
