I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
