I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
