I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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