i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
where are my eyebrows?
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