Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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