But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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