I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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