We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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