nut hugger
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
