Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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