either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize