I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
