it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
