Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
