between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
