No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
