i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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