i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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