Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
