She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
