I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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