Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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