Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
