so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
