So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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