We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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