i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
