I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
420 ftw
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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