Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
