So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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