yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
