The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
