Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
