I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
