I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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