did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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