We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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