I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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