i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
