who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina is very pro this idea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
