Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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