its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
