I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
