OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
